But how Hindu was that Marriage?
Again there would be as usual 4 combination. (Also read http://indianhusbands.blogspot.com/2005/08/498a-made-for-sita-but-surpanakhas-are.html for previous details and comments)
Combination 1: If the boy is like Ram and girl like Sita: Here the vows taken are followed and the marriage is success. No need of any marriage act or whatever.
Combination 2: Boy is like Rakshash and girl like Surpanakha: It would be teri bhi chup and meri bhi chup
Combination 3: Boy like Ravan and girl like Sita: There are very genuine laws that help sita.
Now comes the Combination 4: Boy like Ram and Girl like Surpanakha: Ram would follow all the vows and supanakha won’t.
Since there is a breach of Vows, by the girl, trouble arises and then it is decided that the marriage may be dissolved but then suddenly comes that hindu marriage act, In this unhindu combination and would blindly give facilites to the hindu bride.
But my question is “how ‘Hindu’ was that marriage?” And how hindu was the bride in her code of conduct? Why aren’t these things taken into consideration completely or at all? In other words the bride says “I would never live the hindu way, that is ancient thinking”, she would give examples of west with non hindu practices glorified (Like neha’s 1st comment on my blog on sita-surpanakha article)recommended to come out of clichés and prototypes, as a result you want to part, then suddenly she gets blind support as an ideal Hindu bride. Why not have guts then to accept the divorce in a modern and independent way. Is it hindu to file a 498A or lie in front of the judicial force?
It seems, It’s the filmi perception of the act of 7 drills around the fire that is taken in to consideration to enforce a hindu marriage act in isolation. And not the Vows.
Let us find out about the vows taken during a hindu marriage, that are neglected while handling a hindu divorce case.
Religious Definition of Hindu Marriage
7 rounds have a symbolic representation for both Bride and the Groom in its own ways.
For Boy (These are mostly the external factors that influence the family by virtue of the male role in the family)
Round 1: Ish ekpadi Bhava
This First step is to ensure that he feeds his family
Vow: 1. We will share the responsibilities of the house, food and finance together. May God bless us with children and may they have long lives
Round 2: Urje dvipadi Bhava
This Second step is for his strength for the family
Vow: You are only my beloved wife. I will love you and only you. I give commitment will provide strength and courage to you, my wife, always.
Round 3: Raisyoposhai tripadi Bhava
This Third step is for the wealth for the family
Vow: The third step is for the growth of prosperity and wealth, and to educate their children
Round 4: Mayobhaviyay chaturshpadi Bhava
This Fourth step is for the Happiness and peace for the family
Vow: In the fourth step he thanks his wife for bringing auspiciousness and sacredness in his life.
Round 5: Prajabh’yaha panchmadi Bhava
This Fifth step is for the kids in the family
Vow: In the fifth step may the Goddess Mahalaxmi (Deity of Prosperity) make us prosperous and God bless us.
Round 6: Rutubh’yaha shastpadi Bhava
This sixth step is for good seasons
Vow: In the sixth step the groom promises the bride that he will fill her heart with great joy and peace, time and time again
Round 7: Sakha Saptapadi Bhava
This seventh step is for the divine bond of friendship between the husband and wife
Vow: This is the last and final step. Here the groom tells his bride that as you have walked seven steps with me you have made our love and friendship firm and inseparable. Now you have become mine and I offer my total self to you. May our marriage successfully last forever.
For Girl (These are mostly the Internal factors that influence the family by virtue of the female role in the family)
Round 1: Sukh Dukhani sarvani tvayasaha vimjayate; yatr tvam tanduham tantra prathame sa brabididdum.
Vow: The vow is that all the moments of joy and struggle would be shared equally by the bride, and where ever and whatever be the condition of the husband the bride would be always there by his side and be just like one of his.
Violation: When it comes to joy she wants it all. When sorrow, rather than taking our side, she would talk about how well her sister and brother in law are managing or may be her dad, or her friends or neighbors etc. In other words she is a spectator critic and not a participant.
Round 2: Kutumbam Rakshayishyamya-BalVrudhkadiddum; Asti nastiti pashchaymi dvitiye sa brabididdum
Vow: I take responsibility for safeguarding all the family members right from the smallest kid to the eldest senior. The acceptance of family is obvious here.
Violation: In contrast the girl wants to first get rid of a joint family or the old parents. Safeguarding is ridiculed infact even by law. The girl effectively threatens to falsly implicate IPC Section 498A on the entire hindu joint family, and in good numbers she does so.
Bhatrubhaktirta nityam sadaiva priyabhashini, bhavisyami padey chaiva trutiye saa brabhididdum
Vow: My devotion to you my beloved will be unperturbed and I will decorate your life with my sweet language.
Violation: But in reality She calls the guy Fool (Bewakuf), or even Impotent (Namard) if he does not speak for her against his parents. Also keeps on saying "sab ko jail mein daal dungi" (Will put you all behind bars) "Dhajjiya udda doongi" She dares the family because of the loopholed law.
Round 4: Aarte Aarta Bhavishyami Sukhdukhsambhavini; Tavagna palishyami kanya turyapadedabrebit
Vow: Your Pain is my Pain in any department and so is your Happiness; I shall follow all your orders.
Violation: she needs costly materials like jewelry, furniture, etc irrespective of her husbands’ capacity. Further Sunday has to be her day out irrespective of a tiring week of the husband. Following orders is impossible she would rather order not only the husband but also arrogantly order her parents-in-law.
Round 5: Rutukale Suchisasanatta Kridishyami tvaya saha; Naha parantar gachcheh kanya pashkshepadedbrebit
Vow: During the right phase I would rightly inform you and have only you as my partner for physical relationship. And I would not indulge with any stranger.
Violation: If the husband is not able to fulfill her material needs she would blackmail him by flirting with a stranger. And the husband is helplessly watching and pretending to be a stranger to the whole situation. She would also see to it that she confesses to her now obviously jealous husband about her encounters, counsels him and asks to take it lightly. She would emotionally blackmail the husband by flirting with another wealthy guys, thus enjoying saddist pleasure and causing pain to the guy.
Round 6: ihath sakshi vishnusatvayadaham naiva vakshichta; Ubhayoha, Preetiha, sambhuta kanya sashatepadebrebit
Vow: In witness of Lord Vishnu I swear that I have not fooled you and haven’t kept you in dark about anything; with this confession I pledge we are now in a wedlock.
Violation: Ha! The fact is she is right now fooling Lord Vishu too! She tells some days after her marriage certain truths like her lost affair with her boss, her broken engagement etc.
Round 7: Homyagnadikaryeshu bhavamicha sahayani; dharmarth kam karyeshu kanya saptapadedbrabit.
Vow: O my lord, in all acts of righteousness (Dharma), in every form of enjoyment, and in those divine acts such as fire sacrifice, worship and charity, I promise you that I shall participate and I will always be with you.
So my dilemma is when the girl never lived her marriage in a hindu way, then why at all should it be enforce on a boy as hindu marriage facilitating the bride. Who is unfit under hindu practices.
Violation: Here the money is asked only for massage parlour visit, Costly jewelry, or for a kitty party. And on Dharma, when a guy wants to observe certain rules like qutting onion potatoes in monsoon as advised in Jainism or follow any religious practices and in vaishnav religion the girl ridicules and label as cliches and prototype.
So what is so hindu in this attitude of the bride?
Should the Hindu marriage act be enforceable on this relationship?
Shouldn’t the religious vows of the respective religions, be considered in law during imposing sections like 498A ?
Don’t you think we need a change in scenario?