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IPC Section 498-A: Misuse

Dedicated to the Victimised Indian Families, Who are falsely threatened & Blackmailed by the Indian Daughters-In-Law & her family members, and those Victimised families who are already falsely charged under the Section 498A. Its all about False charges of Dowry Law, Domestic Violence, Alimony, Marriage and Divorce. NOTE: All articles are my personal copyright. They may be republished if the source is acknowledged and a link provided to this site. This is not an Anti-Women Blog. Read Disclaimer.

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Women go to the police with a complaint (may be false), but the system provides to record that as a criminal complaint and that data adds in to the National Statistics of Crime Against Women. When male goes with a genuine complaint the police at max can record a Non Cognizable offence against the women. That will never reflect in the statistics. Then how will one guage crime against men? Every 100 Suicides in India have 63 Males and 37 Females. Every 100 male suicides have 45 married males, and every 100 women suicides have 25 married Women. Married women suicides have default arrests of the inlaws under presumed dowry death. Married men suicides entitle wife for a 50% share in property. What kind of equality is this? I thank you for visiting my blog, Please visit again. And I welcome you to participate on my Blog. [indianhusbands (at-the-rate) yahoo (dot) com]. Click here for Main Page

Monday, May 01, 2006

Kuch to Log kahenge

Some days back I had attended one engagement party of my very close Maharashtrian colleague. I claim the privilege to convert this feminist to a humanist. I was confronted by her initially with the same concept of your-side-of-the-story but time healed things.

She was suffering from the mob psychology that prevails on a budding lady who has never seen the other gender from a different angle who gets carried away with the wave to support women at the cost of putting down the other gender and blindly support someone by virtue of gender congruency. But she is the same person who later became one of my major strengths in my team.

Not only she proved to be an efficient colleague but she from her side tried her best to put me to a spiritual guru, TV Journo and what not when she realized my problem. Well but now let us talk about the topic that I would be discussing in this post.

During the party since I was stranger to almost all, I was all the more keenly observing all the people around. I encountered some newly wed couples and some in courtship out there. I could experience a compassionate smile on my face as I kept on Looking at those couples as a match made in heaven and made for each other. All those Jineshes were crazy for their girls and so were the girls madly in love with their guys. Like Shobha De says, I could imagine each couple actually in bed making love to each other intimately, kissing passionately, and link the same bond with their intimacy now in the hall. Touch wood.

Suddenly for a second I started missing that status of the couple. My feelings only got accelerated. I crossed my legs and one of my folded hand started to reach my forehead. But suddenly as usual resilience stuck inside me. It reminded me of the genuine efforts to save my relation and genuine reasons to let it go off.

The thought process went on in my mind that bought me to realities too than fantasies. After the bed scene I could also imagine them, like everyone else fighting on petty matters posed by ego as a hurdle. And I realized that this thought is no fantasy and that was the ultimate reality that happens with each couple. And I only wished that my thoughts on them fighting are proven wrong.

But I also saw the not-so-newly-wed-couples and now I could suspect their smiles, were they genuine smiles or plastic? Like most of the couples who have been exposed to have faked their love in front of the junta who later only discovers how much they hate each other. Since I have been single from past 26+ months now, I have come across so many of them comfortable with me on this topic and confessing to me their discomfort with the married status. It is only then the fear of social pressure that keeps them intact, otherwise they are unhappy. Some of them even envying me.

Now, my resilience told me that yes you could have enjoyed a companionship of a wife tonight but it would have lasted only for the party that comes once in a while may be in 6 months or a year. And as once one reaches home the pretension fades away reality captures the aura. And the negative vibes retires from back seat and takes over. This event of public intimacy will now be only in display on next occasion till then a refrain.

For many couples such parties are there once in a while where you may require to rat race as a couple with others and get a mental satisfaction of 2 hours where peoples testimonial of a good couple counts, where the couple flaunt each other. But in the back end you land up paying premium to this by tolerating each other with irretrievable differences for years together back home. In that case does that testimony matters? How far and where does it take both the parties who form a couple and are not ready to come to terms.

On the contrary I did feel that I was happy otherwise after separation and wished the same for the estranged half. There was peace otherwise in the back of my mind and back home. And with my kind of fate in marriage I think…
(a.) I have to arguably suffer only in such parties for 2 hrs and have peace of mind back home for the rest of the year till next party comes, as compared to…
(b.) arguably enjoy in such parties and then reach home with a stale relationship tired with a plastic smile. Whatever be the reason and who so ever is at fault.


I read somewhere Q: What is the most dramatic loss experienced in a new marriage? A: The idealized image you have of your partner." Which I think is very scary and in cases similar to mine such feeling which is still on mind of the other half. Who also meditates on what was lacking rather than what is there. Thus, leaving all others as spectators of the demonstrations of things like bouts of frustration and depression, suicide threat, Threat of Police, 306, and 498a, blaming and then curfew and then being held captive, etc. One day this, other day that, the something new and then something that was old and forgotten then both trying to improve each other and then in some cases the couples also compete in who is improving better and getting better and then again a fight and so on… gosh….enough. Then call neighbors to intervene or relatives to referee. At least all this is missing for good.

So, in cases of fates like mine where things went far off and tangent very frequently, and since there are no kids. Then, It is better to be alone and enjoy life, free from a constant duty of desperately impressing someone and striving to be a good spouse as hard as maintaining ISO and getting certified, pacing to prove your worth without a break, since you are on a constant audit. An unconditional love is a rarity.

But then comes the questions in mind that what would people think, say and talk about me.

  • May be that he is at fault and hence never got settled.
  • Or may be he is having some-problem of impotency, you-know-what-I-mean? It was nice of the girl to have kept quite or not done anything.
  • May be he is a gay
  • May be he is having a secret affair.
  • Divorce nahi hua, jawani aur kitne din? Tu settle kab hoga.

... and many other...

And to prove all these wrong thinkers wrong, should I get in to something that did not worked out just to keep their mouths shut and be called as a couple in a once-in-a-while party? The conscience said No! Never!!! Kuch to log Kahenge, logon ka kaam hai kehna. But, you live your life. Be alive and Come alive. If the grapes are really sour then you may choose not to have it.

More Importantly, Main Zinda Hoon. And I choose to be happy.

Jinesh Zaveri.

29 Comments:

Anonymous praveen said...

you are right.
In fact,just couple hrs back iwas talking to prameet on the same topic.
we arent getting married again. much better being single.
dont worry about society.have fun!

Mon May 01, 11:04:00 PM GMT+5:30  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lets go for bowling, gocarting and have fun. I indeed have a great time after 498a.

Mon May 01, 11:16:00 PM GMT+5:30  
Anonymous daddycool said...

fool learns from own mistake, while wise man learns from fools mistakes... but there are some... (what to call them ? foolest of fools! or fullest of fools ... )wants to marry again!

what u r loosing if u r alone?

think again ...

daddycool
daddycool@yahoo.com

Mon May 01, 11:59:00 PM GMT+5:30  
Anonymous Jogeshwar said...

My dear Jinesh!

Choosing to be happy and being happy are two different levels. Between the two levels there can be years of gap even though practised appropriately.

Jogeshwar

Tue May 02, 11:07:00 AM GMT+5:30  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Once bitten Twice Shy...

Wed May 03, 07:22:00 AM GMT+5:30  
Blogger Jinesh Zaveri said...

I agree with you Mr. Jogeshwar.

And I exactly understand what you are trying to stress on. It is so very true. You have to be in your conscious state of mind that tells you that you are detached. And that is the secret of happiness.

Moreover, Praveen, I am sure *if* we come across a real nice lady (now that we are better off in judging);) I think it should be worth it going in for a relationship.

But if we do not find one then we are there with our current resilience. Happy without conflicts.

Cheers.

Sat May 06, 03:50:00 PM GMT+5:30  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good one.

Sat May 06, 04:52:00 PM GMT+5:30  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

People can choose to be what status they want. In the society all kinds of people live.
But the norm is to get married , have kids , family etc, it requires guts these days to have a family as most people are deficent and cannot manage their married lives. but a real man is one who can.

Personally I would never invite people from broken families in my marriage as they can bring bad luck. It is true. See how you were eyeing other people's happiness, it can bring bad luck on the newly wed. Our ancestors have said it right, people who are unmarried or divorced are 'manoos' and they can bring bad luck. It is like a black cat cutting the path.

Sun May 07, 11:51:00 AM GMT+5:30  
Anonymous daddycool said...

dear jinesh,
Kuch to Log kahenge ! logoka kam hai kehna ! chhodo bekar ki comments me bhul na na aim tera...
don't worry !
you had guts to say the reality of life.

but the person "anonymous" who is preaching guts, has no guts to write his ? or her ? name or e mail id.

about calling "manhoos" to unmarried or divorced person bringing bad luck !
I think he or she is born married or till that day he/she was omen for the "society", & i wish him/her best luck for his/her rest of the marriage life none of the two need to suffer.

daddycool
iamdaddycool@yahoo.com

Sun May 07, 01:04:00 PM GMT+5:30  
Blogger Swarup said...

"If the grapes are really sour then you may choose not to have it."

For that first you have to know what is the grape taste.

This the reality my dear.

Mon May 08, 03:00:00 PM GMT+5:30  
Blogger Swarup said...

Anonymous
You can very well call all the prostituties( They are not from Broken family) of India in your marriage, along with all those Pimps.

I love prostitutes, but hate all those Pimps like you, who prefer to sell thier own sister, own daughters to a male prostitutes for the earning the money in dishonest way.
On the other hand if staying alone is a crime and not getting married is a another crime, producing child further crime, then the question you have to ask to our president of India, as people like you prefers to Kiss your so called Prostitutes wives feet every day and calim that I am a great man after sending their age old parents and sister behind the bar in a false 498A case.

Sorry , there are some people, think other way also, this is not 16th century man, read waht Ms. Sobha de adviced to Indian men.

Mon May 08, 05:09:00 PM GMT+5:30  
Blogger Swarup said...

This specially for those hiding Pimps:-
After a Long time found some one who is not Blind enough.
http://ww1.mid-day.com/columns/anil_thakraney/2006/may/136809.htm

More than 23000 Husabnds sucide for Sowry Harrasement last years , but who
cares ?

We must get sacred, (7000 wives) , why they sucide and will send not only
husabnd all thier family members including 3 years old child behind the bar
irrespective the wives was a Prostitutes or a child killer, or a drug
smallger, we do not care, after all the same to be termed as dowry death to
improve the statistics.

Ms. Sobha de, correctly said , Indian men are staying in 16 th century mind
set , where as Indian women had allready crossed 21st century mind set.

I wonder , are Indian men really want to come in 21st century reality ?

Till date I have found oly Modern Ravan in the media writer section , may be
first time seen some Modern Laxman .......

But do not affried, very soon you will be termed as Anti-women,
- as women means only a Doughter in law ,
- Our mother, sister, daughter are not a women as per NCW and our LAW Maker.

Mon May 08, 05:25:00 PM GMT+5:30  
Blogger Rebel said...

Your article is as always captivating.

Now, in the current century, it is very important to be not-unhappy than to be happy. There are millions of reasons to be unhappy, but just one reason to be happy and that is 'free will'. Destiny could control our lives 99% but we have that 1% control and that can make a lot of difference. Besides, on the deathbed, when our true self questions us, nobody is going to come and answer; we only have to be answerable to ourself. Then why to care about what others think or feel?

Mon May 08, 09:38:00 PM GMT+5:30  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rebel

If you do not care what others think or feel, then why blog, why leave comments option open ??

Swarup, like everone else I too chose to ignore you.

Tue May 09, 08:32:00 AM GMT+5:30  
Blogger Rebel said...

Anonymous,

What are you talking about ? Now please don't tell me that you too don't know what you are talking about.

Wed May 10, 12:59:00 PM GMT+5:30  
Anonymous anant said...

A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.
yes it realy needs guts...

anant

Wed May 10, 08:35:00 PM GMT+5:30  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes it needs guts, that these days men do not have as they are made spineless. They want wives money, dowry, jewellry, then they want her to work and take her salary too.

So therefore unhappy marriages. The equation of give and take has changed. Playing with nature often backfires in the form of 498a.

This requires alot of guts.

Thu May 11, 10:58:00 AM GMT+5:30  
Blogger Rebel said...

Guys, please ignore Anonymous because she has no idea what she is talking about. Do you guys want to waste your precious time in arguing with a person who does not know what she is talking about?

Thu May 11, 08:11:00 PM GMT+5:30  
Blogger Jinesh Zaveri said...

Yes, It needs guts indeed...To say no to the guy who demands DOWRY. Why do you choose such lousy family for marriage? But that is where the ladkiwalas want to make a show of how much they have given. So that they can sell their sons to some other sick family's daughter. Both parties would put price tags on their candidates.

Flaunting the gifts in their biradari is the agenda, I have seen those sick girl side people trying to overtake the amount from the last marriage in their circle. And if the guy disagrees then the girl gets into the ruthna manana mode.

You have agreed to so many things.

Instead, A guy with principles would refuse dowry and would also refuse to bow down to erratic demands to part with his parents who thaught him ethics.

Yes 2% of the cases have proven dowry and we do not disagree. We are fighting against Sons Own Wealth Released to You. SOWRY, which arguably amounts to 98%, eclipsed with 498a.

Yes, The dowry demanders are wrong.

But then why the same Lady who is earning, having jewelry etc shamelesly asks for money from husbands share? she too is equally wrong.

It got to be balanced. And if you want to argue with dowry takers then you are at a wrong place.

Excuse us!

Fri May 12, 12:03:00 AM GMT+5:30  
Anonymous anant said...

Dear Anonymous,

"It's better to be defeated on Principles than to win on lies."

I agree dowry taking is bad,
but how can you label all men as dowry takers ? (your comment hints at it)

In that case, i hope there are male members in your house also which are obviously included in all the men that are being frequently referred to while addressing.

anant

Fri May 12, 12:50:00 AM GMT+5:30  
Anonymous Anant said...

Dear Anonymous,

I repeat

"It's better to be defeated on Principles than to win on lies."

then why file a false 498A on innocents?

Anant...

Fri May 12, 12:56:00 AM GMT+5:30  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jinesh

"Why cant a women refuse"...excuse me!!!

Dowry is always demanded AFTER the wedding takes place because the wife will have no choice, will be at her husbands mercy...and hold behold if she does not fulfill the UNEXPECTED but well planned demands of the spineless boy and his greedy parents, then dowry deaths are so common.

Guys have smartness , they demand it after wedding, after all these days it is so difficult to trap a prospective wife to give dowry. Understood.

I am definately at a wrong place...because SIF is filled with it, even your anil kumar could not defend about it in DC.

And Mr desai...show what you got and stick to your usual language, ..trying to turn into a new leaf or what? Also we waste our precious time arguing with people with multiple disorders on various blogs who use inifinite names!

Well good bye you manoos to the core people. I prefer to stay away from you people. Why even normal happy men want to stay away from you guys.

Fri May 12, 10:08:00 AM GMT+5:30  
Blogger Jinesh Zaveri said...

Dear Anonymous,

read it.

shall reply it. as of now busy amid work.

Fri May 12, 12:20:00 PM GMT+5:30  
Blogger Rebel said...

Anonymous,

Please don't get angry. Please relax. I could easily see your braided hair covered in mucous inside your inflated nostrils. And its disgusting.

You see we have not even started fighting. If we really start fighting against feminist's baby name 498A - illegitimate baby to be precise - then your role models like Girija Vyas, Brinda Karat and other dirts would shut themselves up inside their bunkers telling others not to disturb them and when the dawn breaks, they would shoot their oversized head with a pistol...remember Hitler? Ooh, how will you know history? you are not even educated.

And of course, so nice of you offering us a label that actually belongs to only women. Manoos. Well, we really don't need to prove that 'Manoos' is a prerogative of women only. Anyway, thanks for your kind gesture, but no thanks, we don't need it. If you really like to offer us something, then just visit a beauty parlour, you are looking 'yuck'.

Please don't get angry, none of us wants to see that horrific, repulsive nostrils of yours.

Fri May 12, 05:44:00 PM GMT+5:30  
Blogger Jinesh Zaveri said...

Dear Anonymous,

There was a time when I used to like your comments. They were specific to a topic and general but not generalising. But I have noticed you calling names with no base.

If the girl is demanded of Dowry after marriage then that is really wrong and boys side must be punished. If they are not understanding, The girl must leave that family. A broken marriage is better than a bad marriage.

Friend, I also get a feeling that may be.. you were genuinely harassed for dowry. But you blaming those section of people who have proudly not taken/demanded dowry yet punished or blackmailed would not serve our purpose on both sides.

But unfortunately you have never agreed to such a situation where you would accept that there are good ladkewalas and bad ladkiwalas too. Like I have been stressing on the fact from my 1st article that There are good/bad Ladkiwalas and Good/bad Ladkewalas too.

I do not know why you are not acknowledging that fact. In my last comment too you seemed to have ignored my stand on dowry takers.

Please note: I do not support any sort of Dowry, it is unjustified and unfair. Similarly you too should not support all women just because they are women. One must support innocent and oppose crooks irrespective of gender.

This blog and me and genuine SIFian are not advocates of Dowry takers. And hence I would not be interested in defending those dowry takers. Similarly you should not advocate application of false 498a if you are doing so.

Regarding Anil Kumar, I really do not know him as on date. We are facing this nuisance of any anonymous posing as sif member it is as easy as filing a false 498a.

I hope since you have been reading my blog since long you know that we are interested in supporting the women who are victims of dowry and dowry-law and also families involved. We are wanting law to give us a separate identity.

So please if you are blaming us as dowry takers. I would prefer you to find some other blog, as the discussion or debate would lack congruence of topic. You are welcome to discuss on topics in its relevance limits and general.

God Bless You.

Fri May 12, 11:51:00 PM GMT+5:30  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

JInesh

Well, this is the first time I visited your blog as got the link from DC. You are probably mixed up with someone else.

I agree with some of your points..that its better to come off a bad marriage than be part of broken one. I too have come to know that there are some people who have taken dowry and are hiding in SIF as read their comments in DC. But you will never agree. so much for your comments on Gandhiji's quote.

Rebel: you need to take a class, see you next time in DC and sulekha-where usually my friends make you chew your words. your language sucks. You can have your say here as this is one of your blogs but a real showdown will occcur when we will see you on a larger space. See you there and consider yourself warned. Watch out.

Sat May 13, 08:57:00 AM GMT+5:30  
Blogger Jinesh Zaveri said...

Dear Anonymous,

Thanks for visiting again, I thought you never would. And I was sad with our last frequency. But it is better now.

And thanks this time for agreeing to whatever you have.

I too would infact agree with you on the possibility of issue of a faction (small though) of some dowry takers hiding in SIF and more than them the ladies who have charged false 498a. There are some ID's who have never turned up, or got in touch. But we are genuinely taking care on this issue. BTW since you are so confident about guptachars in SIF can you pls let me know personally about the ones who are, this would solve our purpose to a greater deal.

We are in a constant process of cleaning the same we have been successfull, but being self help group as of now our priority is to attend the victims first whom we are discovering at a faster pace on field too than managing those in mail box. We also have refused to support the dowry takers in the past.

Are you too in SIF? then let us talk constructive on a symbiotic association of cleaning the evil.

On Gandhi issue I am not clear where have you read it and what?

We are the ones who are against any dowry practise but unfortunately we are only being labelled as the takers / supporters. We are speaking against these two factions who are encashing and making two victim factions like us fight.

I really do not know why it should hurt the ones who do not belong to that category.

If, you attack the real dowry takers, I am with you (I am sure you all do not need our support but my sisters [who belong to dowry community] do need). And We curse the "false accusers" I do not know why that should hurt someone who is not the target (we should infact support each other to eradicate the other two factions who are encashing) and when our sisters support us they are so badly ridiculed. Why?

United we stand Stronger against the evil.

Pls Take this as a genuine request and take it positive.

If you mean your mission that I understand, do write to me at
indianhusbands @ yahoo . com

otherwise it is all futile.

Sat May 13, 09:38:00 AM GMT+5:30  
Blogger Rebel said...

Anonymous,

I like your quirky sense of humour, but I failed to even smile in trying hard to laugh it off your statement. It is like a person is holding a banana in hand and warning others, "Hands up or I'll shoot". You are such a loser.

It is said that if one wants to break somebody's ego, one should taunt or criticise that person's best quality. You did the same thing. Thanks for appreciating anyways. I request your aide at DC and Sulekha not to put their tails between their legs when I come there. You know why? Because first, you, as a woman, can only do one thing....weep..weep..weep, cry like a pitiable baby asking for other morons to come to your rescue. Well, you know, I know that that is what always happens. Not that I want you to be honest, but its alright for you to be a slave of your loathsome ego, righto?

When will you see me at a larger space? Ahoy, wake up...this is the largest space, the internet, remember? Damn it, you are not supposed to take excessive sleeping pills to get rid of your own nauseating self-image. Get real and get over your loser-self-image, moron.

Yeah, I am warned, a person holding a rotten banana is going to shoot me. Watch out for what? For you? Oh come on, stop flirting around tramp, look yourself in the mirror first.

Sat May 13, 10:29:00 AM GMT+5:30  
Blogger Bharati said...

AS I say anonymous is for makin gcomments when you kwant to say something but have no guts to stand.

Mihir you are too much . yopu know I et some nice prank calls from mumbai on my SIF helplines. Loks like we have shaken up some false 498a quarters

Sat May 13, 07:22:00 PM GMT+5:30  

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