"Henpecked or Handcuffed"

My biggest crime is that I was Born as an Indian Male.

If you are an Indian Male you can be unlucky because of your wife, If you are a Hindu Male you are the most Hopeless case on the earth. Read on to realize this. I have written my feelings on his (indian male) personal experiences.

Early in school he saw that his girl-classmates never paid fees, their education was for free. He was never jealous of them, but felt that same books, same teachers, same school, but, he was charged because he was a boy(male). He felt only if he too was a girl, but felt proud to be what he was and kept on moving.

When he was in 10th standard, he was told that he belongs to open category. He will have to compete with backward category students who inspite of lesser percentages will get admission in good colleges/ courses. He felt only if he were a backward class boy. But then he said that he was a proud hindu male and kept moving.

When He got graduated from college, He was then, told to fill up the form for employment registration and that’s where he had to tick mark in the column for open category, as there were reservations for backward class and also for women and minority. That is where he again felt that should have belonged to any one of the category other than Open category of an Indian Hindu male. But then he said that "he was a proud hindu male" and kept moving.

When He got married, He did not demand and take any dowry as a proud gesture of a Hindu Male of 21st century. But later he got educated by his wife about "Section 498A". She wanted her erratic demands to be fulfilled by me and my family. When he refused to do so, she threatened him of false charges under "section 498A", which would put him and his ailing parents and other relatives (those whom she would wish) to be put in jail, with no proof required by his wife for her false allegations. Thus, The marriage relation by virtue of her vindictive attitude and impossible demands was been forced to be in jeopardy.

But then came the alimony that he was supposed to give since he was a male and she was the now atheist abla with full support of the Hindu Marriage Act .

But, his monthly maintenance amount to his wife can be good enough for her to keep her younger unemployed brothers and old parents happy. So she would not give divorce and she would also anticipate claim from his property, if any. That’s where he realises that why the hell is he a hindu? He cannot remarry again till he gets divorced. Also, his well wishers wanted him to remarry. (A good character this time. But, he now didn’t want to remarry though, as he was once bitten and twice shy.)

Like his wife would feed her brothers too with the alimony. In lighter vain, he feels, if he too had a sister like hers may be she could have done the same thing for him. But, he is also ethically happy that the new law where a girl in a hindu family too has an equal right over property and thus he feels content but confused.

His wife always wanted him to fight with his parents and brothers' family to satisfy her ego. On refusing she used to abuse him by telling him "CHUDIYAN PEHEN LE DARRPOK" (Wear Bangles you coward). I think she is right, Indian male should be wearing bangles as the law has made a fool out of an Indian male and further fool out of a Hindu male.

Hey not a bad idea, victimized Indian Male should atleast get the Bangles back that he had gifted to his wife as a streedhan, as according to her he deserves it more than her isn't it?

Further...
Till date every time I said that “Garva se kaho hum Hindu hai” but as time passed by Tab se mein Afsos ke saath kehta hu Ki Mein ek hindu mard hu. I regret to mention about my Hindu and Indian Identity.

As even the monks say that sab purva bhav ke karmon ka phal hai. (“Its all a result of my wrong karmas in past lives”). Strange! Is that the reason that I am born as a hindu male?

Arey kanoon banane wale, aap ke ghar mein baap, bhai ya bete hai ke nahi? (To the makers of such a Law I would ask that don’t they have a father, brother or son in their house?)

I was made to be henpecked by the laws like 498A and now the DV bill, when I protested I was educated that 498A and DV bill can handcuff me and do more.

So I am handicapped with only two choices is it?

"Henpecked else Handcuffed"

Oh god when will I be hands free?

Disclaimer: These are totally my views, based on certain conditions that are prevailing atlarge in the society. This article salutes and exempts those minority factions that are also prevailing in the society formed only because of good house wives in this 498a and 406 misuse era.

Jinesh Zaveri.

But how Hindu was that Marriage?

The 7 Vows taken during hindu marriage are never taken in to any consideration for the entire phase of the relation. The vows taken are so complete in itself that if one follows it religiously then it is a success formula.
Again there would be as usual 4 combination. (Also read http://indianhusbands.blogspot.com/2005/08/498a-made-for-sita-but-surpanakhas-are.html for previous details and comments)

Combination 1: If the boy is like Ram and girl like Sita: Here the vows taken are followed and the marriage is success. No need of any marriage act or whatever.

Combination 2: Boy is like Rakshash and girl like Surpanakha: It would be teri bhi chup and meri bhi chup

Combination 3: Boy like Ravan and girl like Sita: There are very genuine laws that help sita.

Now comes the Combination 4: Boy like Ram and Girl like Surpanakha: Ram would follow all the vows and supanakha won’t.
Since there is a breach of Vows, by the girl, trouble arises and then it is decided that the marriage may be dissolved but then suddenly comes that hindu marriage act, In this unhindu combination and would blindly give facilites to the hindu bride.

But my question is “how ‘Hindu’ was that marriage?” And how hindu was the bride in her code of conduct? Why aren’t these things taken into consideration completely or at all? In other words the bride says “I would never live the hindu way, that is ancient thinking”, she would give examples of west with non hindu practices glorified (Like neha’s 1st comment on my blog on sita-surpanakha article)recommended to come out of clichés and prototypes, as a result you want to part, then suddenly she gets blind support as an ideal Hindu bride. Why not have guts then to accept the divorce in a modern and independent way. Is it hindu to file a 498A or lie in front of the judicial force?

It seems, It’s the filmi perception of the act of 7 drills around the fire that is taken in to consideration to enforce a hindu marriage act in isolation. And not the Vows.

Let us find out about the vows taken during a hindu marriage, that are neglected while handling a hindu divorce case.

Religious Definition of Hindu Marriage
7 rounds have a symbolic representation for both Bride and the Groom in its own ways.

For Boy (These are mostly the external factors that influence the family by virtue of the male role in the family)

Round 1: Ish ekpadi Bhava
This First step is to ensure that he feeds his family
Vow: 1. We will share the responsibilities of the house, food and finance together. May God bless us with children and may they have long lives

Round 2: Urje dvipadi Bhava
This Second step is for his strength for the family
Vow: You are only my beloved wife. I will love you and only you. I give commitment will provide strength and courage to you, my wife, always.

Round 3: Raisyoposhai tripadi Bhava
This Third step is for the wealth for the family
Vow: The third step is for the growth of prosperity and wealth, and to educate their children

.
Round 4: Mayobhaviyay chaturshpadi Bhava
This Fourth step is for the Happiness and peace for the family
Vow: In the fourth step he thanks his wife for bringing auspiciousness and sacredness in his life.

Round 5: Prajabh’yaha panchmadi Bhava
This Fifth step is for the kids in the family
Vow: In the fifth step may the Goddess Mahalaxmi (Deity of Prosperity) make us prosperous and God bless us.

Round 6: Rutubh’yaha shastpadi Bhava
This sixth step is for good seasons
Vow: In the sixth step the groom promises the bride that he will fill her heart with great joy and peace, time and time again

Round 7: Sakha Saptapadi Bhava
This seventh step is for the divine bond of friendship between the husband and wife
Vow: This is the last and final step. Here the groom tells his bride that as you have walked seven steps with me you have made our love and friendship firm and inseparable. Now you have become mine and I offer my total self to you. May our marriage successfully last forever.
.

These responsibilities from the side of the groom are such that even after divorce he keeps on feeding the lady irrespective of her vows. Interesting further is the part of the Bride. And I have also narrated the actual facts that we get to hear in real life against each Vow.

For Girl (These are mostly the Internal factors that influence the family by virtue of the female role in the family)

Round 1: Sukh Dukhani sarvani tvayasaha vimjayate; yatr tvam tanduham tantra prathame sa brabididdum.
Vow: The vow is that all the moments of joy and struggle would be shared equally by the bride, and where ever and whatever be the condition of the husband the bride would be always there by his side and be just like one of his.

Violation: When it comes to joy she wants it all. When sorrow, rather than taking our side, she would talk about how well her sister and brother in law are managing or may be her dad, or her friends or neighbors etc. In other words she is a spectator critic and not a participant.

Round 2: Kutumbam Rakshayishyamya-BalVrudhkadiddum; Asti nastiti pashchaymi dvitiye sa brabididdum
Vow: I take responsibility for safeguarding all the family members right from the smallest kid to the eldest senior. The acceptance of family is obvious here.

Violation: In contrast the girl wants to first get rid of a joint family or the old parents. Safeguarding is ridiculed infact even by law. The girl effectively threatens to falsly implicate IPC Section 498A on the entire hindu joint family, and in good numbers she does so.

Round 3:
Bhatrubhaktirta nityam sadaiva priyabhashini, bhavisyami padey chaiva trutiye saa brabhididdum
Vow: My devotion to you my beloved will be unperturbed and I will decorate your life with my sweet language.

Violation: But in reality She calls the guy Fool (Bewakuf), or even Impotent (Namard) if he does not speak for her against his parents. Also keeps on saying "sab ko jail mein daal dungi" (Will put you all behind bars) "Dhajjiya udda doongi" She dares the family because of the loopholed law.

Round 4: Aarte Aarta Bhavishyami Sukhdukhsambhavini; Tavagna palishyami kanya turyapadedabrebit
Vow: Your Pain is my Pain in any department and so is your Happiness; I shall follow all your orders.

Violation: she needs costly materials like jewelry, furniture, etc irrespective of her husbands’ capacity. Further Sunday has to be her day out irrespective of a tiring week of the husband. Following orders is impossible she would rather order not only the husband but also arrogantly order her parents-in-law.

Round 5: Rutukale Suchisasanatta Kridishyami tvaya saha; Naha parantar gachcheh kanya pashkshepadedbrebit
Vow: During the right phase I would rightly inform you and have only you as my partner for physical relationship. And I would not indulge with any stranger.

Violation: If the husband is not able to fulfill her material needs she would blackmail him by flirting with a stranger. And the husband is helplessly watching and pretending to be a stranger to the whole situation. She would also see to it that she confesses to her now obviously jealous husband about her encounters, counsels him and asks to take it lightly. She would emotionally blackmail the husband by flirting with another wealthy guys, thus enjoying saddist pleasure and causing pain to the guy.

Round 6: ihath sakshi vishnusatvayadaham naiva vakshichta; Ubhayoha, Preetiha, sambhuta kanya sashatepadebrebit
Vow: In witness of Lord Vishnu I swear that I have not fooled you and haven’t kept you in dark about anything; with this confession I pledge we are now in a wedlock.

Violation: Ha! The fact is she is right now fooling Lord Vishu too! She tells some days after her marriage certain truths like her lost affair with her boss, her broken engagement etc.

Round 7: Homyagnadikaryeshu bhavamicha sahayani; dharmarth kam karyeshu kanya saptapadedbrabit.

Vow: O my lord, in all acts of righteousness (Dharma), in every form of enjoyment, and in those divine acts such as fire sacrifice, worship and charity, I promise you that I shall participate and I will always be with you.

Violation: Here the money is asked only for massage parlour visit, Costly jewelry, or for a kitty party. And on Dharma, when a guy wants to observe certain rules like qutting onion potatoes in monsoon as advised in Jainism or follow any religious practices and in vaishnav religion the girl ridicules and label as cliches and prototype.

So my dilemma is when the girl never lived her marriage in a hindu way, then why at all should it be enforce on a boy as hindu marriage facilitating the bride. Who is unfit under hindu practices.

So what is so hindu in this attitude of the bride?
Should the Hindu marriage act be enforceable on this relationship?
Shouldn’t the religious vows of the respective religions, be considered in law during imposing sections like 498A ?

Don’t you think we need a change in scenario?

Please comment

Jinesh Zaveri

Hum Kisi se Kam Nahi

Dear HUMdingers,

Katrina, Rita and now who's the next femme fatal killer ? Hey feminists, wait! I am not talking about women, Its all about the Hurricanes.

Meanwhile on women... I just picked up 'India Today Sept 26th Issue' with the theme article...
"SEX and the single Woman".

And One of the articles just quoted what I too experienced while reading it, that was a part of my body enlarged a 100 times while reading it. Hey hey wait I am talking about the Pupil of My EYE ;) so no offence.

Its all there, It states the data as more honest as compared to last survey on Indian women (In other words it meant the women did not give the right data, then, and that they have become more candid, though they do carry a hidden claim that it will become more candid down the lane, which further means that this too is not the completely candid) the hint was, they are catching up with the men on data or even overtook in certain depts. And I realise that they are no less (as per the issue, it claims that the data reveals that they too are catching up with men)

Which also raises another fact, that how reliable is the data that we take from women? even for the surveys like 498A. In the movie Titanic the protagonist states "that a Heart of a woman is so deep that no one has ever understood the dept of it." and thats where would lie the secrets, that are best kept.

Yudhistir should have ameneded his curse on women which instead of not able to hide secrets should have been not able to hide the secret from the right person and would be revealed on right time. A lot of long routes to truth could have been averted. and lots of mishaps prevented.

But after reading I am sure one day the survey will reach true facts that would agree to what Chanakya said - that a womens desire for sex is 8 times more that her male counterpart.

So fellow HUMdingers? Any Takers on these HUM KISSi se KAMm nahin Ablas?

Signing off HUMming 'just chill' by another hurricane Katrina of Bollywood.

Jinesh Zaveri

Kyun ki Yeh Bahu bhi kabhi Saas banegi

The Issue of Demise of Donna's dad has once again provoked many sparks on our thinking hats. As an effect to this cause, A very Interesting comment by Navin on my blog regarding numbers, and discussion of Satya, Peter II on the same (in my inbox) gives rise to this article.

Are these feminist aware? of the fact, that they are actually harassing majority of innocent females in the name of support to a baseless and generalized section of Surpanakhas. Who because of penalty-less law, pose themselves as Sita in the soceity by virtue of their mayavi rup and penalize innocents. The complaining facility given to them is so facilitating, that, all they have to do is complain to the police and then the police, law and the state takes over. And the innocents are focused on saving their skin from these by succumbing to all the demands of Surpanakhas.

These surpanakhas change the colour once married. and keep changing in front of the society and inside the house.

As very correctly identified in the above discussion, the need of the hour is also to check the numbers of innocent women (husband's mother, sister) battered in this gambit. this is necessary because these feminist militants would close their eyes and ears on anything male, atleast on the female side they may understand. So many families have daughters of marriageable age, getting older and battered because of such injustice facilitating law.

Like the ahmedabad TOI article mentioned “Many husbands who become victims of domestic violence don't even report the cases fearing social stigma'
And in case if they open up, then they are treated like some untouchables (I have narrated this in the article “attitude of men towards men”) this incident that took place my friend was treated like an AIDS or LEPROSY patient. And like Sumanth shared about Mr.Chugh who dared to protest was reduced to laughing stock .

The future matrimonial columns may read something like this "the mother-in-law / Family should not have a record of Section 498A in her past". Nevertheless like Swarup wrote to Neha that “My question to all women activitistsy .. this 498A misused for last 17 years .. what they have done for save those women ??Still i am searching the answer from the women activitist .I belive women liberasation is men liberasation .. but if the women orginasation teach to hate male , who will be looser ??" is still unanswered.

I would vouch for all these with the conviction that “the end has to begin somewhere”. Because Yeh Bahu bhi kabhi Saas banegi. (These Daughters in law would one day become a Mother in Law)

Amen

Jinesh Zaveri

Another Victims' Father Bites the Dust.

Just last Sunday Mumbai had its first meeting of victims.

It Included 6 Husbands and 1 Sister of a Victimised husband. Like I said that all the victims' stories sounded tragic, but today that is just 5 days later, the sister who attended the meeting sends me an SMS "MY DAD IS NO MORE, HE GOT MASSIVE ATTACK, FUNERAL TOMORROW..." on probing she sent me an SMS stating that it was all because of the prevailing tension of her brothers case... the father could not bear the shock and to add fuel to the fire were the calls from the Mother-in-law and Daugher-in-law for the Divorce.

More Details after I get the exact update from Donna, The Funeral will be at Holy Cross Church at 11.00 am, Kamani, Kurla West on 17th Sept 2005.

Members of the Save Indian Family expresses their Heartfelt Condolences to Donna Swamy, Philip and the family for this irrepairable loss. And sincerely pray to god for strength to the family to bear the Shock. May the soul of their father rest in peace.

God Please Listen to our Prayers. We Pray that the day comes soon when we are able to STOP this Legal Terrorrism and Murders in Pre and Post 498A Stage.

Prayers and Condolences for all those who have lost their Innocent Dear ones as a Victim of Law.

Jinesh Zaveri

Mumbai Meeting No.1

A Sunday that no one would have wanted to quit home. A Sunday which everyone would have wanted to spend watching Gauri Ganpati Visarjan. A Sunday if nothing at least one would have spent lazing around and enjoying the untamed versions of Mumbai rain. But, as the saying goes "there is never a wrong time to do the right thing". And hence the most desired meeting took place with quality people.

The day was apt, and so was the bus, which was boarded. Courageblue1 and myself were to board it from W.E Highway and guess what!! we got in to a bus with a route number 498, that led us to the desired destination of the meeting. Six battered husbands and 1 sister of a victim attended the meeting. Gokul and courageblue1 drove the proceedings along with Bluewolf.

The stories of all the victims sounded tragic.

Being a male problem no tears were seen but yes clouds occasionally wept. All the victims ostensibly were down to earth people from a sound middle class background and values of the highest esteem in the society. Empathy was in air, so was helplessness. But the hopes and convictions were high and so were the intentions. The interruptions of the rain in the open to air café resembled the hurdle that each one of us are facing. But the morals were high and we were searching the silver lining to the cloud.

The ball has set to roll and the consensus was to carry on helping each other and repeat such activity. At the end with maturity as the undercurrent and helplessness as the overtone, the meeting was curtained it was understood as pointed out by one of the members that men don't speak even after they have suffered, they just laugh it out on themselves, but seriously "We now no longer can be reduced to a Laughing Stock, as sisters and parents too are involved." And hence a lot needs to be done.

And that is why with quality people we are sure to get more people participating and not shying away.

Prayers for all those stuck.

Jinesh Zaveri.