Provoked and Hurt.
When we talk about Gender Equality, let us mean it. Lets us have a balance in law by having something that takes care of the misuse of law loopholes that leads to exploitation of a husband. Else more and more husbands may have their own hopeless verdicts that may be a lose lose situation. Can't Pretend Sleep after such precedences.
The unfortunate case of the failed saptapadi between Amit Buddiraja and Rinku has not failed to take anyones attention. But, I do not wish to comment on an individual but would definitely comment on the attitude that has been prevailing at large on this event.
Amit was intelligent and hence was in infosys. This company is still among the most preferred employers who ranked 2nd among the top 10 in HR and pushed to 8th only because of new entrants. So one cannot push this matter to work load. Shall we call it wife load, I think only if there was a law for males this would have been avoided. I remember 2 more cases one was of a hyderabadi software engineer who said he wanted to live but was found dead with his wife’s body embraced with and a long dying declaration. Then came the police constable who was questioned by a mahila mandal, later ended self and his wife. (Anyone having details of these cases may write to me personally). And finally the unfortunate case of Shivani Bhatnagar. Well not that of a husband and wife but involved adultery by wife too and also blackmail and a relationship.
In such cases, People say that the husband was Mad but I think he was Mad for his wife and when he must not have got the same reciprocation he got mad at her instead of being mad for her. What is not noticed and criticized is the fact that his wife gave him and idea of killing him just in case if he is found to be infidel. Why share a relation with a tisra and hide it from the husband till he discovers? Can’t such sacrifices be done? If he was a friend why was it kept secret from husband till he discovered? Ok if he was aware and did not like his presence between two of them then did he ask for too much, by asking her to quit this relation?
Its time to take a deeper look at the causes before we look at the effects. Its time we look at equating the options to the spouse at the broader level rather than making it a male female centric law.
Infact such husbands are not alone, only if they learn to speak up with like minded victims. Times are changing and have changed a great deal in past 3 years. Yes one need to make sure that the person is a confidant. Save Indian Family does have such counseling sessions where husbands do get emotionally naked, unlike few years back.
If he was diagnosed to be complex it must be understood that attachment makes one like that. Just imagine how a mother losing a child suffers, its all about attachment relationship which is underestimated by virtue of a male thing. You make a person drink heavily and check his blood for alcohol the traces would be there, you cannot blame a person to be complex when he is put in a situation against his will. Similarly an emotionally hurt person is diagnosed post or during trauma would show stress symptoms. So let us find the cause before we analyse the effect. Not to give read card without knowing the cause. Also the uncanny feeling of being caught up in a viscous circle is very common among husbands where they know they are being cheated, but cannot do anything and further to add insult to the injury they are labeled as oppressors and slapped with a non compoundable offence based on a story.
Law too is behaving indifferently towards this. And so are the ones who can bring about change. They talk about making adultery as a civil offence with such motherhood statements the courts would also go slow thus leaving a pining husband hopeless, further the fear of being looped in false case would make him more apprehensive and watch the wife’s behaviour as a dead end. As some days back the courts announced that non compoundable means what it is meant for. I can relate to what he must have undergone. Yesterday a victim called me and told me about how his wife has challanged the hefty maintainance order as in sufficient in the High Court, and tells him that she is looking out for a better husband from abroad once that is done she will set him free. And on spotting him in the HC on the first hearing she did whisper to him "Welcome to High Court". Now is that entertaining?
If a girl was in a similar situation and would have caught her husband doing what a wife does to a victim husband, girl has following options
1) File a DV
2) Get adverse media coverage
3) Public sympathy
4) Get a 498a threat or actually do it.
5) Negotiate the alimony
6) Kill the husband in the name of atrocities and before could kill self would encounter the situations that would evade the suicide and call it as a new life like the noble prize winner.
Being a boy he had no Option.
How would have people reacted if guys like amit were a wife
1) Admire him openly for killing a non obiedent husband more approprietly called as the oppressor.
2) Would have got invitied to various social functions to deliver lectures on killing the so called pest.
3) Would have been a chief consultant to a director who would be making an award movie on lines of provoked.
4) Would have spoken of rights that shadow responsibilities.
5) People would have sms-ed and ensured that the sympathy and polls both favor the wife.
Now when husband discovers a wife of infidelity and starts exploring to know his rights he will discover
1) He can punish only the male with whom wife is indulged in to adultery and not the wife. Section 497 of IPC. Plus strong proof would be needed unlike 498a.
2) There is no provision to get any criminal complaint recorded on wife.
3) He will have to provide maintenance till sections 198(b) is invoked which is also under consideration after girijaji’s comment.
4) He may have to face a DV where he is not allowed to interfere in the terrority of his house where wife is living and she may enjoy there with her boy friend who may be called as bodyguard (a well known case in Ahmedabad).
I do not support such systems where there are fail safe methods of misuse, to provoke males and make them walk in to trap of crime. Coz sometimes they could boomerang on the spider who spun the web. Finally a lose lose and no domestic harmony.
I fear the worst is yet to come, its high time that males too have some legal options that are concerned with male exploitation, then lots of families would be saved.
Something Needs to be done.