Sawan jo agan lagaye… Machinery that Abets Male Suicide!

Sawan jo agan lagaye... Machinery that Abets Male Suicide!

Mujhe peene ka shauk nahi,
peeta hu gham bhulane ko.

Loose Translation: I do not drink by choice but I forcibly do that to divert my mind from sorrow.
But who cares? As the person expressing is a male and an Indian husband in this case. Not even last on anyone’s priority list.

Thud! Was the loud sound, but it did not penetrate the minds of many who are sleeping or pretending to be asleep. It came from the cracking of his body parts but the sound did not enter the hearts and minds of the biased System and Society.

He jumped from the 6^th floor in the Bandra Family Court premises. One twitter user had this advise to give on the world wide web, which added insensitive insult to sensitive injuries on mens rights issue. And the noteworthy fact is the tweet got instant likes and retweets. 

It would have been better, if there was no teasing instead of adding insult to the injury. MRA from all over India including Vaastav Foundation of mumbai rightly reported this tweet and the tweet was found deleted. But it has once again dented deeper on the attitude of society on men which is 'taken-for-granted' on either sides. I believe such voices need to be corrected proactively before they become statistics themselves, as ignorance of law and your rights is not an excuse. 

 

TOI reported that wife was seeking divorce as husband was alcoholic. What the system missed was the suo-motu investigation on why husband took to the self destructive habit that provides one of the highest sin taxes to the state governments, I mean Drinking. Did he want to divert his mind from the daily domestic stress? Probably yes. Was he under stress in the court with anxiety of what will happen? Probably yes.  

Ideally, He was to be handled humanely for his stress and addiction. But I guess the system is deep rooted to MANhandle a Man beyond collecting sin taxes.

Systems are made to put things in right place where as here they are working counter-productively. Such recurring events, reminds me of the song written by Anand Bakshiji from AmarPrem movie...

"Chingari koi bhadke to sawan usey bujhaye,
Sawan jo agan lagaye usey kaun bujhaye?"

Loose translation: when fire spreads, then there is (Rain) water to extinguish it, but what if (Rain) water spreads the fire, then who can (ever) extinguish it? Rain water is the system and society and fire is their attitude towards a man and a husband.

Husband walking in the courts knows about the system and spouse that…

"Mera Katil Mera Munsif hai,
Kya mere haq mein faisla dega?"

Loose translation of Nida Fazliji's lines: My assassin is my Judge, what justice will (s)he do in my favour? The Biased system and Society (against man/husband) cannot do justice with a man, a husband.

If our system is not concerned beyond sin taxes on alchohol with no effective social responsibility.... and so long as women empowerment practice is not going to start empowering women without robbing the husband of love and money.... till then our system and society are adding fuel to fire and we will have more families breaking, husbands dying like toy soldiers and added as another brick in the wall in the statistics. Courtesy to the ignorant System and Society, that is becoming a major contributor in such suicides.

A husband would be killed by suicide (abetted) with impunity of the so called weak gender. Paving way for the ultimate goal of her - 'Freedom and share in his assets'. One seasoned lady MRA has an accurate observation on next possible equations in all such cases, this observation has always been highlighted by this blogspot since its inception. Man remains the silent provider. Zindagi ke saath bhi zindagi ke baad bhi.

Further, if this guy was a farmer and if he had committed suicide due to spousal pressures, then no spousal abuse angle would have been considered even, as the silent unwritten rule goes that farmers’ suicide cannot be due to spousal abuse. However this topic of manipulation is for discussion on another day.

Tab tak, dear systemwasis of the society, seko Roti apni apni. Including those men who feel it cannot happen to them or their near ones, and the clan that firmly believes that spousal abuse on male is exception, and hence everytime they suggest a higher floor to jump cold bloodedly.

huMAN rights stay RIPped apart.

jinesh zaveri.

Father, the Bass Guitar: Making of a Dasharath

Father, the Bass Guitar: Making of a Dasharath

In my college days, my musician friend once told me, that Bass Guitar is an instrument which won’t be loud in performance, absolutely not noteworthy. But when present, makes the music worthwhile and it is realised only when the bass guitar is absent. So is a father.

That is why most/some mothers who walk out of the marriage along with their kid(s), later remember the bass guitar (father), but they won’t muster the courage to admire and admit its role. Rather she would reprimand it (him) to be played (paid) else makes him to play (pay) through the Honorable Courts, and that too unconditionally with thanklessness (where father only gives but gets nothing in return). But a child supported by his father is only told that (Bass Guitar) father is a cacophony.

What Fathers want in return? Answer is 'Love' rather opportunity to again GIVE LOVE.  If  father and child are lucky, then they are allowed to meet only 2 hours in a fortnight, which may not be necessarily at a comfortable location for meeting, and under civil proceeding codes of the Hon Courts. That makes 48 hours in an year (that too if the mother turns up with the kid). How will that father sculptor sculpt his creation with his noble intent in this short time?

Nothing has changed in Father’s Love and concern even today. It was always there. Searching for citations ? Well it is in every house since ages, as Raja Dasharath pined for his Son Rama centuries back because of a condition laid down by his wife. It was the same, with parents of Sharavana, whose father also cursed Dasharath. Wasn’t that a Father’s Love that cursed Dasharatha ?

Why is it, that courts want a modern day father to be a Dashrath ? That is, wanting him to continue living without his kid(s). (Well Dashrath would be called lucky as he had Bharat and Shatrughna, it was pre hindu code bill era. However he pined for Shri Ram and died) But imagine a modern day father who has no such options. Still Hon courts want a father to be righteous in providing food and shelter to the estranged family and also abstain from loving the family and being loved.

Again, one viewpoint is this, that the father is not a good man, so keep him away from the kids. Well, it may be one exceptional case, but please note in most such cases - however unethical, unsuccessful, a person may be, but as a father, he would have a father’s heart for his offspring. Need citations? Dritrashtra – his blind 'putra-moh' was equally responsible for Mahabharat. The bigger point we are discussing is a father's LOVE. And significance of a father in life of his child.

And no one talks about the epitome of super sacrifice Bheesma (but in the modern context), this Modern Bhishma loves his kids so much that he does not want them to be born in this ugly struggling world. As there is nothing worthy apart from struggles. Not many will understand the height of this love. If they don’t, then it is not their cup of tea.The grapes are really sour here.

Father’s Day is like Dashera and Laxmi Pujan, where we worship our tools that give us prosperity. Similarly, we acknowledge our father’s sacrifice and love, which the Hon. Courts and estranged wives understand in form of money transfer from the ATM Dad, but alas has no appreciation for the tool. However, no mother has Right to deprive her kids from their father's access, as she is depriving 'the sculpting of a good creation from the co-sculptor'. 

Fathers in courts are Significant Materialistically (that is only to Give) and Insignificant at the give and take of LOVE with his Loved ones (kids in this context).

For the remaining lucky audience as on date, I suggest, they should cherish all the notes in the orchestra, because offsprings at any age needs BOTH their PARENTS.

Happy Fathers Day.

Jinesh Zaveri.

MY FREE PRESS JOURNAL FULL FRONT PAGE ARTICLE

My Full Page, Front Page Article regarding 498a Misuse and Amendments (Dated 19.4.15).
Graphs Courtesy: https://standupforacause.wordpress.com/ and SFFDelhiBlog  websites.
Link of the Article on FreePressJournal Site.

Click on Pics for larger picture.

Link1 to the 498a support article
Link2 regarding 498a misuse.

Let there be no resistance on Genuine Laws.
Let there be no Denial on Misuse.
Let there be Amendments / Reviews to make all Laws FOOLPROOF.
Let us be Receptive.  Let us be Progressive.
Let us PEACEFULLY CO-EXIST.

Documentary on SIF, Mens Rights and Misuse of Laws.

A Short Documentary on SIF Movement made in to the Top 60 for Screening at "Yes! I am the change Film Festival" at Nehru Centre. Screening was done on 3rd October and MENS RIGHTS were mentioned by many speakers in their speech after the Screening along with 9 other documentaries on other Topic. 

Special Thanks to our Director Jaysh Gopi and his team members Tony Baker and his wife. And very Special Thanks to our Narasimha 'Amit Deshpande' for initiating and registering our group for this Competition. Also Thanks to all participants Chandan, Tariq, Bhakti, Nitin and Special thanks again to Hussain for co-ordinating apart from participating.

This documentary competition had a rule of understanding, shooting and presenting in 101 hours after randomly linking the Directors with NGOs. As a rule no Participating Documentary can go public till the competition is on hence the link is shared now after screening. 

The audience was stunned after watching this documentary suddenly after 5 documentaries on totally very popular topics like gifting a smile and conserving nature etc. There was a PIN DROP silence as i am sure all must be remembering 1 victim in their circle. Slowly we started clapping and it reached a crescendo.

At the end we were given a chance to address the audience. and the best part is the Director Confessed that he was a feminist before he met us. What he missed was the major chunk of activists who were busy at National Meet on 15, 16, 17 August 2013 at Nagpur. We told the audience about our meetings PAN india in parks and Suicide Stats.

For a CHANGE in this event the Audience Overwhelmingly Identified and accepted this ISSUE. 

The organiser Mr Madhusudan Aggarwal Hugged me when I handed him Mens Day Book and he told me that he was happy to know that such a movement is existing. 

Yes I remember those days of 2005-6 and now there has been a CHANGE in people towards this problem.

And this blog along with others used to quote Bapu telling to Be the Change that ones wishes to see in the world.

Still a Long Way to Go, But YES we have come a long way.

The F Clause of Indian Divorce: Making of an Evil's GOD.

The F Clause of Divorce: Irretrievable breakdown of Marriage

 The women wife empowerment movement has lost its direction and spirits in india, the parasitic approach towards husband has now become an integral ingredient in their DNA and another Frankenstein is in making.

After DV Act in 2005 and more so since 2010 the sanity of the entire clan supporting women empowerment is in question by neutrals too, as general public has felt the word overboard an ‘understatement’ when it comes to supporting women. The speculations are 13F clause of the divorce if passed, would entitle the wife to file for an unchallenged divorce under Irretrievable break down of marriage and get entitled for 50% of husband’s inherited property too apart from other incentives. Women already had 498a and 125 and DV act. 

One section wants to empower women, where women = only wife; as per their logic they have to become wives to get their ‘destined share of property’, and they continue to deprive them from their right in parental property which if implemented is actually a better solution.

 

Any intellect would agree that women should not be made to wait till they become wives to get their right in property of any kind. Just like a male child, they should be given equal share in their inheritance from her parents, this would solve all problems and burden of litigations on courts. She should be empowered when born irrespective of gender. This will make her empowered and independent from staying in an abusive relationship and also free her from remaining dependent on a relationship for survival.

Otherwise we are accepting the gender bias legally. The bill if passed as per the wishes of the myopic, prejudiced and insensitive feminists it would disturb the peaceful social pattern at large as the repercussions would be far more greater than the solution.

CAUTION: Now with desperate amendments like discretion left to Judge, the scenario is going to be worst. How can one ensure that the judge (after all a human) is not biased or influenced against the husband? A male judge may have sympathies or soft corner for wife and a lady judge will have prejudices against the male (as per the general misandrist trend). 

Who will question ‘the Judge’ in absence of machinery like LOKPAL? With such incomplete apparatuses are we getting ready for another disastrous Indian law against the family of husband? We will create GODs of EVIL like Hiranyakashyapu and Asuras who manipulated and took over the control over GOD by misusing the power GIFTED to him with good intentions. Here by giving power to the Judge who will have the control of manipulation.

MEN MUST NOT IGNORE ANTI MEN LAWS

Traditional Arguments like “all laws are misused and hence we cannot stop making laws” won’t be impressive and would be highly shameful and irresponsible statements by stalwarts. Rather have review clause in every law and study the misuse and loopholes with a fix date to ensure proper implementation.  Even men who are ignoring their rights and or are supporting adverse laws without homework will face the music one day or the other in near future. 

A root cause analysis would help us know that a girl child has to be empowered like a male child, right from her birth and not wait for her empowerment till she gets married. Otherwise we are just creating a record on paper and GOD OF THE EVIL in reality.

The F Clause seems to be blindly favoring FEMALES and Finishing Males.

HEMOTIONS: SURVIVING THE MALE TAG.

Emotions of Males have no value. Most of the times they are not even considered to be existing and if they do, they are not respected and understood correctly. Hence, also often blamed on failure for not executing things well as they are never analyzed emotionally. There is generally a feeling of doing a favor on men while doing anything for them.

My elder senior colleague had witnessed me as a newly married husband, then a husband coping with the marriage, a struggling husband and a separated husband contemplating peaceful divorce. She was one of the rare persons who digged deep and made me speak out and feel light. She had gifted me one wonderful book "Why Men Don't Listen and Woman Can't read Maps".

Somedays back I was reminded of this BOOK and its Content Again. It was when, I stumbled upon TD Jakes' Video "Hemotions" while I was surfing for Joyce Meyers on youtube. Both of them have one thing in common and that is Sensitivity for Men as Human.

Pastor TD Jakes explains wonderfully about MAN and what the tip-of-the-tip-of-this iceberg is all about. He calls it HEmotions in one way.

Few Noteworthy Points in the "must see" powerful video, and some of them from the book and other observations of mine. 

Point 1: Men Suffer.

Point 2: Men talk straight to the point.

Point 3: Men don’t discuss when they are thinking.

Point 4: Men Suffer Silently and they readily don’t respond when they are asked about their problem.

Point 5: Men withdraw into their Mental Caves in search of introspection and solution. Men Stare and mentally process within while they appear to watch TV or play with their Gizmos or superficially engage in some activity or just stare blankly, this can be a very long process across days in search of a solution.

Point 6: Men are vulnerable, Men are Humans, they too have Emotions.

Point 7: V IMP: A) MEN are programmed to (measure) rate themselves by SCORES even emotionally, because they are programmed to participate in Playing, maintaining ranks etc. They are wired like that. This scoring pattern is all about being “at-par if not better” in scores on planes of Earnings, authority etc with everyone around right from colleagues, relatives or relations including spouse. So that the spouse genuinely admires them and not compromisingly.

B) With Spouse it also includes even scores of one’s PAST in personal relations (v imp), men are happy if their scores are better off or atleast EQUAL but NOT inferior. If they are personally satisfied with scores then proudly they would flatter their lady publicly. It is motivating for them to have better scores on personal front in majority of the cases. While outwardly they would happily admit they are inferior because inwardly they feel superior and secure. Remember they are competitive in analysis. 

If they feel inferior then they begin with fighting the situation and on realizing that damage cannot be undone, they quit. Coz they are warriors by heart and they like to WIN. If they hang around they are not settled they literally die of disease fighting mentally, coping up.

C) They may love their counterparts even while they are quitting. It is just that they’ve tried their very best to fight out and they are convinced that they too can’t handle it as humans. They too take time recuperating. They continue to suffer silently. Some lucky ones turn to god, others get into a counterproductive loop of addiction.

D) IMP: If they are unsuccessful in taking a flight trying to be a MAN or take too long to recover even after flight (quitting), they land up with diseases on the outward front- could be stress, anxiety, diabetes, blood-pressure etc; and they commit suicide or die early because of pressure, often labeled as work stressed. However death would be the ultimate flight and the real reasons on personal front would die with him most of the times and no one would know that they were emotionally stressed at personal front too as lesser know as humans and more as MEN.   

A "lot to write" but as of now….….WATCH THIS VIDEO that says ITS HARD TO BE A MAN. I feel it is even HARDER…..

Summary Video (must watch):

Detailed Video (must watch):

Thank You Pastor T D Jakes for this wonderful Sermon. (I cry and cry alot when I hear you, and feel you Understand).

HEMOTIONALLY, A-MEN....

:'(

Belated Rape: A Legal Afterthought.

It is about being urban, it is about Delhi Rape, Some days back I saw a frustrated lot on a TV NEWS Channel accompanied with an emotional and overboard lot discussing the RAPE situation in India. A learned host said that the percentage of conviction rate was very low and he was echoed by one actress of yesteryears by telling the conviction has to go HIGH. This situation seemed semi-knowledged or Ignorant of a wider view (or maybe these people were ordered to say so) and therefore very catastrophic for the implementation and introduction of law in future. 

If i have to express in a total layman’s language, the conviction % can go higher with numbers of false complains going down. The same can go down with a Strict MISUSE CLAUSE which is absent. With a deterrent of misuse clause, false complains will go down and only the real complains would be registered and based on merits the conviction will take place thus improving the score. Now since the base figure is low with absence of false cases registered, the dilution of conviction percentage will not occur. All the talks till date has CONVENIENTLY IGNORED the MISUSE and have highlighted the stats citing example of one gruesome case. This is worrying, counterproductive and misleading. 

Rape is not a praiseworthy act, it deserves punishment. However IF RAPE is NOT committed but one of the partner is later accused as RAPIST based on convertible (mis)interpretations, then there is a serious flaw in the law. 

Sex is a Human need. And both Female and Male come under classification as humans. A consensual sex is a consensual sex and not RAPE. Women too enjoy sex. While teenage boys refer to porn, girls too read the erotics like Mills and Boons. It is all natural. Boys chase girls and so do Girls stalk boys in all age groups with variance in degrees. 

The introduction of a stricter new law is in demand with surrogate signatures in campaigns included and anger as an undercurrent, where a male would face castration or death sentence and RAPE would also get a one sided WIDER definition.  

Whereas courts also give respect to the choice of women to choose a partner post marriage (Manju’s case from Rajasthan- who left her husband and chose to stay with her lover with acceptance of court) and punishes only man in adultery. 

Also there are cases where women have filed impotency against husband citing physical dissatisfaction. It is established that sex is an important element in lives of women too. The fear is that in an overboard anger and excitement, one may create another law with a Major Bug that might leave misuse open like a 498a-406, 125 or DV Act. This reminded me of Sameer (Name Changed) who came with a similar case in SIF Meetings Mumbai. He was not charged of RAPE but yes he was coaxed in to casual physical relations by a lady slightly elder to him who then wanted him to pay her monthly maintenance through court under DV Act. 

With facts quoted in various journals that Women in her mid 30’s enjoy the peak of her sexuality like a teenage male. And the growing divorce rates along with living in and untabooing of consensual sex in the same age group, the misuse of law by misinterpretation cannot be ignored. Rape registered based on Conditional sex and backing out of false promise contributes to majority of the cases.

Just imagine when a lady just physically attracted to her male friend gets in to a safe unconditional casual sex (be it a one night stand or regular sessions) and later pursues him to marry her, taking him by an unpleasant surprise. On his obvious refusal she calls the intercourse in the past to be RAPE, (it is actually a RAPE of her male friend as the conditions are later laid down by her), had it been conditional before, the male would have never got in to the relation at first place. Hence this is NOT RAPE, IT IS A WELL PLANNED OR SPONTANEOUS AFTERTHOUGHT that legally favours woman, and traps the man.

I would call it as a BELATED RAPE and a LEGAL AFTERTHOUGHT. This is a great weapon of choice that is left to the women, to use it to leave it based on the opportunity. 

She would enjoy sex with him but keep her options open of marrying someone else with thicker pockets “too”.  If she finds a life partner then she may keep the former as a F***Buddy or may just move on. But if she falls in love with this FBuddy guy or gets NO one better than him, she may turn her no-strings-attached offer in to a legal trap of afterthought by announcing the physical relations to the common peers and now wanting to marry the man (ATM) or convert the Consensual Sex as a RAPE as a failsafe method of making her relationship public and legally pressuring the male. Mind You the emotionally overboard courtrooms have suggested the lady’s statement as a GOSPEL TRUTH.

Afterthought is taken as a bad idea in legal fraternity and often the arguments that fall under this category are not considered. But here it is a failsafe insurance policy for the perpetual powerful abla. As the demands are favouring to make the law strongly favour to permit the convenient interpretation of converting of consensual sex to RAPE.

It would be the biggest folly in waiting to be committed in the history if such laws are passed. It is now realised that even the Nisha Sharmas and her supporters can be charged of dowry demand case. Similarly the very people vehemently wanting to talibanise the law may fall victim of its misuse in near future. 

Like the SC Said i would agree. There is no need to make the law stringent rather the implementation has to be effective and i would add the law has to be Fool Proof. 

Else, Watch out. 

-Jinesh Zaveri.