Husbands are Human Too - My Free Press Journal Article

HUSBANDS ARE HUMAN TOO.

IPC Section 498a was introduced in December 1983 to curb the Dowry menace in the society. This tool was made to empower a wife, who could file a complain against her warring in-laws. 498a was cognizable, non bailable and non compoundable. The state would appoint a ‘sarkari vakil’ to represent wife’s case against the husband and his family. 

But being non-bailable, this law has a major loop hole of arresting all accused without investigations including senior citizens, minors, mothers and sisters of husbands. 498a and other sections were soon frequently misused as a negotiating tool for alimony in a failed marriage, with no dowry in reality. Misuse later became a standard malpractice. Lawyers and police too joined the wife in the bargain, and the husband was reduced to an ATM machine. Supreme Court reacting to a Writ filed in 2005 [Sushilkumar Sharma v/s Union of India], termed misuse of 498a as LEGAL TERRORISM. 

With evolution of internet some wounded husbands had posted their story in forums, who later got connected. The numbers multiplied quickly, yahoogroup was formed where some 40 odd users including NRI’s initially got connected for brain storming. The need was felt to save the families from falling apart and hence this movement was named as SAVE INDIAN FAMILY in March05. They observed that both in post or pre 498a, the parents either disowned the son or got separated as a damage control exercise. There were death cases of senior family member of the husband’s side due to shock as a result of arrests. The family unit thus got shattered because of a case or one anticipated. Slowly in 3 months time the group grew over 500 families. Learned professionals with no criminal track record were the ones who comprised of this group. Today approx 40000 families across various groups are a part of this movement.

Often misled by lawyers, now group conducted its own indigenous weekly meetings outside Patiala house in Delhi, Cubbon Park at Bangalore, and National Park Mumbai, thus a self help group was formed with mutual bonding and knowledgebase grew for free with no monetary transactions. The victims came from very well educated middle class backgrounds with qualifications like MBA, Doctors, CA and Software Engineers. Later blogs and sites like mynation.net, saveindianfamily.org 498a.org etc came up. One of the oldest members Rishab says that when they surfed the web in 2004 there was no moral support or direction, now with blogs, sites, self pledged helpline numbers and teams, new victims get instant relief.

Advent of RTI in 2005 gave a major breakthrough to the victims who were facing identity crises in society, court rooms and police stations but the first relief came when media took a note of the figures that exposed the statistical scam in showing atrocities on wives. With Malimath committee appointed by the NDA government showed concerns over misuse, the CSR report stated 498a being unable to convict people beyond 2% due to lack of evidences, the hidden message was very clear that 98% of cases were not qualifying enough. To support this trend NCRB figures of 2006-7 revealed around 94% of accused were acquitted after the ignominious arrests, bailing and painful court battles with gross conviction again hovering in single digits.  This data was diligently analyzed by SIF’s qualified team. In 2007, off 87929 persons who completed trial, only 13247 persons were convicted thus giving a first level acquittal rate of 85%. 

Manpreet [age:28]  project manager by profession faced arrest along with his parents and a dozen relatives accused by his distressed wife who wanted to teach a lesson for not buying her a separate flat in her name. The cases filed were 498a, 406 streedhan, domestic violence act, and maintenance in spite of wife’s employment. He also had to face the harsh attitude of judges towards him being a male. 38 year old, Yatin’s confrontation with his adulterous wife got his entire family into criminal and civil cases at 3 different locations, Pune [Alimony], Buldhana [DV], Mumbai [498a], he says ‘with false cases on family and without my daughter I would have committed suicide. But SIF’s moral support with selfless help has made me an activist today.

From once a bunch of disgraced laughing stock to a strong 40+ NGO network across globe for Indian Men’s family welfare, with groups of separated fathers, plus women’s wing of mothers and sisters, the fraternity is optimist in bringing a change. 

“There is a lot more” says Rishab, “Law should be constructive not Dogmatic, Wives should be awarded interim jobs not alimony, as alimony is the root cause. Its like Lagaan that made pre-independent India hollow. When we can have Ministry for women and even animals, why not a ministry for men who contribute 82% of taxes” Rishab concludes with a smile.

[all names changed to protect identity]

[Jinesh Zaveri is an activist associated with Indian Family Foundation Mumbai] 

This article of mine was published in Free Press Journal's weekend supplement, who once again invited me to write, this time I wrote on formation of Save Indian Family, this was published on on 8th August 2010. 

Indian Family Foundation (IFF) Launched

Indian Family Foundation (Mumbai)

Name of the Group: Indian Family Foundation

Formed on: 26th October 2009

Contingents: Common people who are threatened or falsely implicated of Wife law misuse.

Least Common Factor: Harassed Husbands and Family Members

Highest Common Factor: the spirit of fighting back for their constitutional rights inspite of Rejection, Ignominy and underdog status, due to Imbalanced Law.

Aim: To be the change that they wish to see the world

Observations: Were asked to prove their innocence by the police, Indian law and Now by some journalists at the press conference.

Our Answer: “We are sadly presumed Guilty till proven Innocent, as you are proving our point, since this is highly unconstitutional and government is pretending sleep, Where do we go? Where do we ring the bell?”

We are innocent and we will not give up, we are here to stay.

a question yet unanswered... (in pic Jaspreet)

Myself in the centre with Meena Muthaji proving a point and Sandeep Kedia alongside

The growing family of Harrassed Families

Hunks who refused to be Henpecked or Handcuffed

Our Demands:
- Have Ministry for Welfare for Men
- Time to review: Debug the loopholes by making the definition of all Wife centric laws neutral in other words change the word Wife to Spouse or atleast make it women centric (where the mother and sister of husband are protected), Else introduce 498B for males.
- We are not against any law what we are against is the misuse, Introduce a section that keeps a check on misuse of laws and punishes the misuser suo moto.
- Make Alimony laws more practical by aiding the estranged wife on doing courses that make her self dependent, let husband sponsor the course.
- Make Adultery Law Gender Neutral.

We are available on following numbers: (Voluntary Helplines; limited hour operation)
Mumbai Helpline: 9224335577
Jaspreet: 9867619277
Jai: 9819551972
Chirag: 9833673457
Gokul: 9821414336
Shyam: 9820509438
Myself: 9820241589

India: Mass Rape V/s Raping the Mass

In past few days Rape wave in the media has again become Bullish. If we believe the headlines trend then it seems like Rapists suddenly have woken up from Slumber and that too in groups. Maybe the bureaucrats want to influence the minds of public via media to pass some stringent laws on rape again with specifics against men and non neutral with loop holes open for misuse. Oh ya we know what would come next, the justification of misuse on men. All I am trying to say is rapes were happening before and are still happening but suddenly they are finding mention in large numbers in media. Here’s to explain how.

Mass Rape: (many persons raping one)
Rape itself is very disturbing, but I get very much disturbed when I read the Gang Rape News; as genuine victim must have undergone such a trauma. I was quite glad when 3 Surat rapists guys were beaten by the public based on the MMS evidence. The Surtis were very kind enough to just kick the victims they could have used rods instead. Gujarat is proudly one of the most politically incorrect states and I am proud to be from Surat.

But in Madhya Pradesh shockingly one 45 yr old lady (Mother of a young Indian Husband) accused of Dowry (u/s 498a) was mass raped by the Bhopal police while in custody on bail denial. I was sure the bail was denied to her as her Rape was on the agenda of the Police. They must have prepared a charge-heavy fictitious FIR on the lady so that she could be denied bail and later Raped. Alas nobody in the media is talking about it beyond a day as there is no media follow up. Where as Surat, Bhayandar and other Gang Rape often find space in the tabloids. Why so ? Just because the other lady is a relative of a husband in the eyes of law hence? This media bias in general has always been there. As they fail to identify mother and sister of a Husband as a lady. Also anyone favoring the husband is perceived as anti social and is taken to task, be it a wife defending her husband for being raped by a lady.

Raping the Mass: (One person raping the entire group)
We have heard of Mass Rape but Lady Raping the Mass goes unheard and unnoticed. In India, a so called helpless lady can Rape the Mass, this frequent activity goes un-noticed very frequently. For example in above news a daughter in law of Bhopal is Raping the family by law and her complain has been instrumental for physical rape on her Mother in law and the report comes in as ritual news with no follow ups by media on the proceedings of the case and no journalist is taking up this as an issue of concern, NCW is Deaf and Mute when it comes to any other lady that is not a wife. Legally she has Raped the Mass called her matrimonial family with the help of the law. Got her MIL physically raped.

The other day another Mass was legally raped by one wife, she did not even spare 2 month old daughter of her ex’s second wife from a 498a. The news article is not clearly stating as to police included the name of the infant in the complain and later destroyed that evidence of mistake or lawyer made money in acquiring the bail or both. But clearly amid all what is ignored is the Legally Raped 8 victim family members of the ex husband who is charge sheeted of 498a to satisfy one wife’s stubbornness.

Rape case is still better than 498a as only the Rapist is the accused. TADA is better as only the terrorist is accused. But 498a is a RAPE of a MASS where all relatives / acquaintances of husband are Legally RAPED by legal terrorism (498a), be it neighbors, long distance relatives or even a 2 month old infant, no one is spared. And this misuse exists in above 80% cases. The infant bail article quotes Ram Jethmalani, Girijaji and others but none have suggested any stringency for the abuse of law. Pretending Sleep?

Rape is Rape be it by a man on woman or woman on man, be it gang rape on a girl or be it a gang rape on a 498a pre trial accussed husband’s mother. And even Mass Rape by virtue of a false complains on a family by legal means is also Rape, sadly out of every 100 cases constituting to 98% arguably fall under the misuse category YoY.

Ab kahan bell bajaou?

Which door do we Knock?: Indian Husbands

When the bell bajao campaign hit the screens most of the males who had come for counseling informed me that they too knocked the door of the neighbors when their wives harassed them. In some cases Hubby and his parents were rescued by neighbors from a violent and abusive Surpanakha disguised as Chandi / Sita who would only respect her illogical stubbornness. But in courts these innocents Sr Citizens and their family are treated as criminals and the legal terrorists are funded by state and by her perpetual ATM hubby.

Still some husbands ignorantly trust courts as a recourse (actually so called) for relief till they realize that even courts are helpless. Husbands do a Bell Bajao at the courts in other words they knock the doors of courts hoping (under the false impression) that courts can grant divorce to Indian Husbands easily in India. Alas, Even Judges believe that Divorce by male is anti traditional and the same decision by female is pro modern and it reflects in the hearings and then in judgements.

And worst would be when his fate meets the bench of Katjuji and Vermaji. This bench defied the 5th habit of Stephan Covey of “Seek first to understand and then being understood” and that is ‘if I can see through my specs your vision numbers are irrelevant even you should be able and should see only through my specs.' The bench proved it by saying "Hum sab bhogi hai (we are all sufferers)." And also “The bench further said that a husband has to accept the suggestion of a wife irrespective of the fact whether it is sensible or not.” "If your wife asks you to put your face that side, put it that side. If she says, put it this side, then put it this side. Otherwise you will face trouble. (Are they suggesting legal terrorism?) Link to this news

I once again mention that the spouse on receiving end is ready to barter anything for peace and freedom instead of putting conditions, be it man (mostly) or woman (women even with a legal advantage wants to get rid, if she is really abused). Almost all harassed guys have a mindset for their other halves and that is “What will you take to help me get rid of you?” Some fight for the whole life and reach the Supreme Court.

One such case reached SC after a long battle of anticipating freedom from the clutches of an abusive wife who has abused and charged the husband to be in all sorts of crimes. The retired Air Force officer (husband) offered Rs. 10,00,000 (Rupees One Million) to his wife as a one time settlement of the dispute in the “eyes” of the court. To which the ostensibly biased court advised the Jew to obey the domestic and legal Hitler. Another Henpecked approach by the court who arguably ignored the charges by the husband and the cruelty on him. This is not for the first time that the courts are suggesting hubbies to be henpecked or handcuffed. Some days back another 17 yr old case was featured in TOI against the husband who wanted a legal divorce but SC ordered him to take back his wife inspite of all the false charges against him and the pain of lifetime.

Yaar, these are hearings / judgements, they may or may not affect other hearings, they may or may not dictate a precedent, but just imagine series of cases where a husband wants to stay away from an abusive spouse who thinks abusing as her moral right. He is ready to pay her for the nuisance value and mental peace after almost a battle of decade and a half is ordered to compromise beyond his comfort. Just because the wife has a fail safe 498a/DV/Alimony misuse and hubby has no shield.

Where would the husbands go and knock the door???? Who would listen to them?

Bell Bajao!!!! Par kahan? Where?

Shayad Mandir Mein (May be in Temple) Hey Ishwar are you listening?

Are koi hai? (Is anyone there?)
Knock Knock, Ring Ring,

Jinesh Zaveri.

Alimony Kills Her Real Potential

Indian Girls are born here but made elsewhere because in India it is believed legally that women are dependent and inferior. Thought they had voting rights right from the beginning as compared to the western world yet the capable lot is swayed by the thinking of being under privileged inspite of a lady ruling the country for 17 yrs (Indira Gandhi) and now as a president (Pratibha Patil).

The courts award alimony and encourage their belief of being handicapped. But the fact is that today they are ruling the work place and are better office makers too. If these women were pampered to believe that they are weak they would have never made it big and ya some of them could because they were abroad away from the Indian victim mindset. Infact in India most Parents encourage the girl child to be on self but the indian courts and some groups do not.

Right now randomly I can think of some names of dynamic Indian women …

1) Kalpana Chawla (Astronaut)
2) Suneeta Williams (Astronaut)
3) Kiran Bedi (Needs no Introduction)
4) Arundhati Roy (Novelist)
5) Chanda Kochar (ICICI Chief)
6) Renuka Ramanathan (ICICI Venture Chief)
7) Kalpana Morparia (J P Morgan; Chief - India Operations)
8) Kiran Mazumdar Shaw (C MD – Biocon)
9) Mira Nair (Director)
10) Shabana Azmi (Actress)
11) Indra Nooyi (CEO and Chairperson Pepsi)
12) Ekta Kapoor (Creative Head - Balaji Telefilms)

Then why can’t any other indian woman who is estranged from her husband and also is ambitious to make it big in life and profession do it? Why are such women awarded alimony before they could rise up? By giving this facility we are killing the real potential in that lady.

They too have the potential, this could be best explained by the below given content (This data is slightly old showing indra nooyi as CFO)

Indian Men V/s Indian Women
:
:
Shah Rukh Khan – Actor
Earning Rs.247 per minute

Brij Mohan Lall Munjal – Chairman
Earning Rs.255 per minute

Amitabh Bachchan – Actor
Earning Rs.361 per minute

Mukesh Ambani – Chairman
Earning Rs.413 per minute

Sachin Tendulkar – Cricketer
Earning Rs. 1,163 per minute
:
:
:
Indra Nooyi – CFO
Earning Rs. 2911 per minute
:
:
:

A lady earns higher than a man in India.

So, do not award Alimony (SOWRY) to the Indian women, award her a job that could unleash her potential. Do not kill the potential of an Indian women by rendering her Abla or Helpless and dependent or weak just because she believes so or it is legal. Abort the practice of life time alimony for the new generation divorced women. Gift her the real freedom from her husband. Let the husband sponsor her 1 time basic qualification needs or find her a job. Let her not beg as a legal right. Let us not Kill her Real Potential.

Best New Year Wishes,

Jinesh Zaveri.

Indian Husbands Wake Up...

Dear Indian Husbands...

Come out of the ignorance, for the sake of your parents and siblings.

Ministers are OK... but we cannot be Ok with the misuse of Law.

We pay Taxes and the same money is used against the Husband by providing a State Sponsored Lawyer who fights a False case against us without investigation. Merely on a statement of a Bride without crosscheck the arrests are being made and we are fighting a battle where we are Guilty Until Proven Innocent.

To add Insult to the injury, volatile DV Act was introduced and Males by virtue of being males were declared as oppressors and womes as Victims by Virtue.

It is a law that promotes Hatred, Fear and more over Gross Injustice to the innocents.

Is it OK with You?

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Spread the awareness, Proudly Demand Your Rights.

Don't be OK with Misuse, Your House may be the next.

Don't be Overconfident by virtue of your Innocence, Thanks to the Loop Holes.

Safe Womens Day

She would never File a False DV or a 498a or 406 or 307 etc or demand Alimony. :D

.

In Lighter Vein:

Here it is: How to have a Safe Womens Day, Everyday. :D

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A tribute to the loosely drafted Gender biased Indian Laws.

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But Seriously...

Happy Womens Day to ALL of you.

Jinesh Zaveri.

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This ad is picked up from one of the email forwards that I have got. And Just correlated to the burning problem of Misuse of Law on Indian Male and His family members that include women.

Stree Hatt.

I am sharing a very disillusioning event that I witnessed in the court rooms. It tells that these places are basically apt for murder type case hearings but not for arguably civil procedures, such places in long run are waste of resources, thus discounting the seriousness of its purpose and operations.

It was a day of mild shower in Mumbai, Shravans father, a senior citizen had his eyes wet too. He had requested me to take a day off and be present for the moral support for bail hearing of his family with the courtesy of the false charges on them by their daughter in law, where as the real reasons were different. I came across this family through helpline.

His 40 yr old son’s estranged wife was caught red handed in a rekindled lost affair, as a result, she had to face the heat of Shravan. Her retaliation was no different from most of the cases, she called the shots and dictated terms with a false 406 and 498a that would support her decision of dispute and get the guy to obey rather than negotiate with her terms. She went to the court rooms inspired by what is heard and said. But the reality was soon to be revealed as too how un-filmy the real life is from what these women contemplate.

This hearing was supposed to take place at 2.30pm in the afternoon, but eventually it got delayed by other pending cases that were carried forward since morning. Only at around 3.45 pm Sharvan’s case was called. Shravan was sweating and almost getting a bout of his asthma attack, he was trying to be stable. Amid all, he was missing his 9 yr old son whom he has not seen since 8 months.

All may think that courts are happening places, like we see in movies but well it is different than what we think. First of all, the lawyer of Shravan came in very late thus giving him anxiety. After reaching there by the time the case could be taken, he dozed off waiting in the court room. The lawyer of the wife was also competing with her counterpart in dozing. It was tough to say who won in dozing. While, the hearing of piled up cases since morning was going on, there were two other female lawyers disinterested at the corner of the bench busy gossiping. Must be about their nail polish as they were caught by my eye comparing colors in the court room later they were also observing the nails of the legs and those pedicure and manicure stuff. I also observed in other cases that fates hung for nearly 2 months for the next hearing that would last for 2 minutes and then again get a suspension state for another 2 months.

Shravan’s case was called. Both the lawyers woke up from slumber. The wife had 2 lawyers one hired and other was the public prosecutor, the public prosecutor and defendant’s lawyer locked horns on bail. The husband and wife must have fought in the house, now these lawyers looked like as if they were the horses running in the race and sponsored individually by the couple of which the public prosecutor was sponsored out of the tax of the junta (of which more and max is paid by the males, sharavan was one of them).

The judge heard both the sides and gave a very balanced verdict from his point of view but it was a lose:lose for both husband and wife. How? Well, wife wanted the so called disputed property which she thought would get it the next day. But the bomb fell on her head when the disputed value of amount deposited to the court was held valid for 2 years and then renewed if required till the case gets over, she realized that if she had chosen for mutual settlement then this matter would not have gone in a loop of 2 years. It was Rs.50000/- in lieu of the fictitious ornaments that she claimed that were hers which were already accepted by the boy to pay by cash.

But she would not budge and hence the surety and bail too came in picture. Total 5 women and 2 men were accused. Sharavans 3 sisters, 1 aunty and mother including his father and him. For all of them a cash of Rs.70000/- (exceeding the disputed amount) as a surety was deposited that exceeded the disputed amount and also gave a 406 with a 498a. but the prosecutor argued for a guarantor for each one of them, what a torture! I was not sure what exactly was going on 406 or 498a but I was there to support morally by prescence.

Finally judge overruled the argument of the prosecutor but held that the family cannot move without court permission out of the city. This was a lose situation for Sharavan apart from a loser in money and family. But that is how the proceedings went. We went out of the room and we thought it was over but suddenly the peon popped from nowhere stating “me baghitla tumala” (I saw you) and he was asking for his tip (Chai Pani), sharavan had to shell out Rs.150/- for him too with a whispered bargaining and then he said “file ka khayal rakhega nahi to time lagta” (for smooth clerical proceedings) then he proceeded towards shravans’ wife group. Sharavan did not understand what he said but went on and apologized and thanked me for the trouble taken and being there.

He asked me what I felt and I said “It is all because of stubbornness of ONE lady that is Stree Hatt, so many have to suffer. Courts have to handle such frivolous matters and attend to the paper work. The national machinery of public prosecutors have been misused for 98% of times. A son and father are deprived of each others love and son is counseled that his father is a bad man. Her relatives had to come all the way to support her based on her statement and Sharavan’s Family had to face the 498a and 406 horror. And it was a lottery time for the lawyers and other members that formed that team.” I saw the faces of the girl and her relatives they revealed lets-us-sort-it-out-now attitude and the girl now probably realised that the damage was done to a greater extent and she had closed all the doors the moment she involved force to justify her stubborness.

Sharavan’s Father told me about Kaykay’s and both Sita’s and Surpanakha’s Stree Hatt in Ramayan. And he too repeated that “it was All because of stree hatt (a Woman’s Stubbornness) that his family too was in trouble.” Though the father and son looked relieved on getting bail but still I realised that all this could have been avoided if the girl was more mature.

I witnessed another Lose Lose situation.