Husbands are Human Too - My Free Press Journal Article

HUSBANDS ARE HUMAN TOO.

IPC Section 498a was introduced in December 1983 to curb the Dowry menace in the society. This tool was made to empower a wife, who could file a complain against her warring in-laws. 498a was cognizable, non bailable and non compoundable. The state would appoint a ‘sarkari vakil’ to represent wife’s case against the husband and his family. 

But being non-bailable, this law has a major loop hole of arresting all accused without investigations including senior citizens, minors, mothers and sisters of husbands. 498a and other sections were soon frequently misused as a negotiating tool for alimony in a failed marriage, with no dowry in reality. Misuse later became a standard malpractice. Lawyers and police too joined the wife in the bargain, and the husband was reduced to an ATM machine. Supreme Court reacting to a Writ filed in 2005 [Sushilkumar Sharma v/s Union of India], termed misuse of 498a as LEGAL TERRORISM. 

With evolution of internet some wounded husbands had posted their story in forums, who later got connected. The numbers multiplied quickly, yahoogroup was formed where some 40 odd users including NRI’s initially got connected for brain storming. The need was felt to save the families from falling apart and hence this movement was named as SAVE INDIAN FAMILY in March05. They observed that both in post or pre 498a, the parents either disowned the son or got separated as a damage control exercise. There were death cases of senior family member of the husband’s side due to shock as a result of arrests. The family unit thus got shattered because of a case or one anticipated. Slowly in 3 months time the group grew over 500 families. Learned professionals with no criminal track record were the ones who comprised of this group. Today approx 40000 families across various groups are a part of this movement.

Often misled by lawyers, now group conducted its own indigenous weekly meetings outside Patiala house in Delhi, Cubbon Park at Bangalore, and National Park Mumbai, thus a self help group was formed with mutual bonding and knowledgebase grew for free with no monetary transactions. The victims came from very well educated middle class backgrounds with qualifications like MBA, Doctors, CA and Software Engineers. Later blogs and sites like mynation.net, saveindianfamily.org 498a.org etc came up. One of the oldest members Rishab says that when they surfed the web in 2004 there was no moral support or direction, now with blogs, sites, self pledged helpline numbers and teams, new victims get instant relief.

Advent of RTI in 2005 gave a major breakthrough to the victims who were facing identity crises in society, court rooms and police stations but the first relief came when media took a note of the figures that exposed the statistical scam in showing atrocities on wives. With Malimath committee appointed by the NDA government showed concerns over misuse, the CSR report stated 498a being unable to convict people beyond 2% due to lack of evidences, the hidden message was very clear that 98% of cases were not qualifying enough. To support this trend NCRB figures of 2006-7 revealed around 94% of accused were acquitted after the ignominious arrests, bailing and painful court battles with gross conviction again hovering in single digits.  This data was diligently analyzed by SIF’s qualified team. In 2007, off 87929 persons who completed trial, only 13247 persons were convicted thus giving a first level acquittal rate of 85%. 

Manpreet [age:28]  project manager by profession faced arrest along with his parents and a dozen relatives accused by his distressed wife who wanted to teach a lesson for not buying her a separate flat in her name. The cases filed were 498a, 406 streedhan, domestic violence act, and maintenance in spite of wife’s employment. He also had to face the harsh attitude of judges towards him being a male. 38 year old, Yatin’s confrontation with his adulterous wife got his entire family into criminal and civil cases at 3 different locations, Pune [Alimony], Buldhana [DV], Mumbai [498a], he says ‘with false cases on family and without my daughter I would have committed suicide. But SIF’s moral support with selfless help has made me an activist today.

From once a bunch of disgraced laughing stock to a strong 40+ NGO network across globe for Indian Men’s family welfare, with groups of separated fathers, plus women’s wing of mothers and sisters, the fraternity is optimist in bringing a change. 

“There is a lot more” says Rishab, “Law should be constructive not Dogmatic, Wives should be awarded interim jobs not alimony, as alimony is the root cause. Its like Lagaan that made pre-independent India hollow. When we can have Ministry for women and even animals, why not a ministry for men who contribute 82% of taxes” Rishab concludes with a smile.

[all names changed to protect identity]

[Jinesh Zaveri is an activist associated with Indian Family Foundation Mumbai] 

This article of mine was published in Free Press Journal's weekend supplement, who once again invited me to write, this time I wrote on formation of Save Indian Family, this was published on on 8th August 2010. 

Choose 1: Better Jail for Hubbies or Funding a Terrorist?

Money is anyway going from our pockets, so let us Use it for Constructing a better and Separate Jail for Husbands rather than Funding a Financial Terrorist.

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I would quote Sant Kabir on begging.....

“Mangan Maran Saman Hai,

Mat Koi Mange Bheekh,

Mangan Se Marna Bhala,

Yeh Satguru Ki Seekh”

Translation: "Begging is like perishing, none should go imploring, It is better to die than beg, this is pure Guru's teaching". This applies to both husband and wife and their sides (Dowry Species).

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When the girl leaves the house just because she has an ego of earning on her own and being an able 21st century women, why is it that in the room of courts she changes her lingo to a lie of dependency. Just because she gets the facility of real monster alimony?

This article is written keeping in mind those couples capable of working, who have had a dowryless marriage and have been associated for a very short while and have got into endless loops of negotiations for alimony, where husbands have to shell money with no logic in binding.

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Dada Bhagwan said in Gujarati: “Pota na Hak nu Khai te Manushya thai, Anhak nu khai tey janavar thai, hakknu bijane aapi de to devgati thai, ane annhakknu maari ne le toh narkgati ma jai.
Translation: (If you eat what belong to you then you get a life of a Human, If you eat from what is not yours then you become animal, if you donate what belongs to you then you get heaven, and if you snatch someone else’s rightful belonging then you get hell.)
Jainism also talks about good and ill effects of Supatradan and Kupatradan (donation to Deserving and underserving characters.)
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The whole idea here is not to Lavish Care on an adult because it belong to a gender called female, it should be observed that she is able bodied and needs to be enabled with capabilities. To avoid the misuse of civil disobedience I would quote Gandhi “non cooperation of evil is equally important as is co-operation with evil”

During interviews on various national channels in india post the implementation of the Shameful DV Act, most women were happy to have a loosly drafted law that would terrorise the husbands. And they confessed that such a terror to the husband and his family is good rather than an equal law, thus justifying the misuse as their safety.

To such a harsh attitude, I would suggest the husbands to take a stand of disobedience to the ritual called alimony (SOWRY) and populate the jail. Well, it invokes a criminal procedure code amounting to Jail term to husband in case of contempt "But then its better to go to jail rather than funding a Terrorist who would settle scores with false cases in order to get their desired unjustified alimony". Lets become a majority in Jails and then have a separate cell for Husbands. If NCM is made we can allocate the funds for "special jail of husbands of educated wives" for violating the alimony law.

Let it start in the educated middle class sector where it is required, as Gandhi also committed this crime and made british to change their stand of pretending sleep.

Why be afraid of jails? The possible reasons are…
1. Badnaami (loss of reputation): Yaar Abhi kaunsi izzat bachchi hai. Aur itni badnaami ke baad paise kyu dene, time bhi to khoti hua. The damage to the image is already done and why pay a fine for our defamation and trauma? so jail is better option. We work hard and pay a share to govt and another to the legal trouble maker? No way.

2. Well the people around us would be criminals and terrorists in the lock up: Yaar shaadi se bada terror attack aur kaunsa ho sakta hai and terrorists ko jhelna shaadi ne sikha hi dia hai. (Some people do not fear terrorist, for they were married for some years in their life) All are as fearless as Major Unnikrishnan.

3. As explaied... Jail Bharo regularly: Never give them your obedience. Automatically the population of decent harassed victimized husbands would increase and this will create a special scope for a Jail or Cell exclusively for husbands.
--> These Professionals or Techie husbands in turn can serve the police by maintaining their websites, teach the lower cadre police with good speaking/ communication skills in English. Can help the police department in the IT Division on a great scale by automating their procedures. Do good backend jobs for the police under station arrests. And front end guys can attend phone calls and do coordination. For basically they are not criminals but are fighting the bugs in the system. And also empowering the system with their strengths.

Let us mean independence. Making her legally dependant and calling it independence, freedom and empowerment is a noteworthy contradiction. Lets Break that.

Let us allocate our funds for a special jail only for husbands rather than funding a Legal Terrorist. After contributing to 80% of the taxes, "Apni aazadi ko hum Hargiz Mita sakte Nahi, Sar Kata Sakte hai lekin Sar jhuka sakte nahi..."

The fight is not just with the otherhalf but with the system,

Jinesh Zaveri.